So, I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before (ok, I'm pretty sure I have. I'm just not gonna go back and double check), but I have a shit-ass digestive system.
**WARNING** I'm gonna describe me being in a slight amount of pain. If you are a worrying mother, I may prefer you don't read this. Unless you make dad hear the aftermath instead of me. Then it's cool. :D
For those of you who dont know (or who, like me, are too busy to go back and look if I ever explained details), about 2 years ago my stomach decided to stop digesting, well, food to be perfectly honest. I went from being one of the least picky people pretty much ever to have a diet that is essentially restricted to plain rice and plain vegetables (assuming of course that these veggies arent overly acid. Or onions). Why? No idea. Am I going to a doc for it? Yes, its been 2 years, I'd be a bit of an idiot if I hadn't looked into it by now, wouldn't I? Is it Celiac? No. Is it lactose intolerance? No - that means I can't drink milk. Not that I can't eat. Look it up. Is it - ok, I'm gonna stop you there. No. Or I dont know. But unless you have a crazy, weird, obscure suggestion, I'm going with probably not. Most of the others have been looked at. But wait, what about IBS? You mean Iritable Bowel Syndrome? Here's a lesson in IBS for people out there - IBS is what is diagnosed to people who have stomach pain from an undeterminded source. So yes. You could say I have IBS, technically. That still doesn't mean I know what it is.
Anyway, moving on. So the other night I had, well, pretty much the worst stomach attack of my life. Normally my stomach problems reveal themselves in annoying, but livable ways - acid reflux, slight pain, some nausea (thankfully vomiting not included), bowel-type-movements most people dont like hearing about - pain in the ass, but I can deal. Valentines Day night I didn't sleep. Ok, thats a lie. I slept 3 very disturbed hours between which I wreathed in pain as an invisible knife was repeatedly stabbed into my gut and dragged across my abdomen and into my back. Not pleasant (Also for all you mothers and stand-in jewish mothers out there who are still reading [you know who you are :P] I am fine, don't worry about me, life goes on, nothing can go wrong, shit happens, I'm optimistic and really it's not as bad as I make it seem, I'm just good at description... or something like that).
The whole point of that explination is essentially this - I've noticed that when I describe my stomach issues, I often tend to speak in metaphor... well, simile technically. Tho the knife one was definitely a metaphor. For example, the day after (well, afternoon after, but I digress) when my friend was over and helping me out a bit and asked me how I feel I kept telling her (and others) "Essentially it's like last night my stomach beat the shit out of me and today I get to feel all the swelling, cuts and bruises." Or since then, esspecially after I eat, I still get shorter, less intense stomach spasms. And I find myself thinking "Its kinda like my body just had an earthquake and now I'm experiencing the aftershocks." Or "I hate going to the doctor, I get there and its like I've forgotten everything I wanted to tell them or ask them and they treat me like an idiot child." Wait... no... thats not a simile, thats real life.
I guess I find it kind of interesting that my brain does that. Just like when I'm in the worst moments of pain I start thinking of fantasy reasons for my problem. I don't have digestive issues, I'm actually a witch and it's my power's way of expressing myself until I am able reign it in and control it. Or I'm turning into a super hero, like the Hulk. I've actually got an alien inside my stomach and it's bursting to come out. Maybe I'm a werewolf except instead of full moons being my trigger, it's food. I was actually supposed to be a twin, but it started developing late. Maybe I'm 2-years pregnant with the next Messiah (with that whole virgin-birth thing and all). I'm pretty sure I've come up with a hundred of these things.
I think it's a pretty commen fact that the brain protects itself in times of weakness or pain or trauma. I like how my brain protects itself. Its interesting, and relatively optimistic (ok, maybe not about the alien wanting to burst out of my stomach, but you get what I mean.) Also it can be distracting from the pain some times and even inspires some pretty sool story ideas that I never tell anyone but sometimes develope as I'm falling asleep at night. So yes, stomach pain sucks. But my brain is pretty awesome. Unless it is migraining - then less so. But in general, I approve of it.
So Internets, thanks once again for reading my babbalage. Also, once again, I am fine, don't worry about me, I deal, life goes on, it's getting better, really, yes I am still eating, life is wonderful, hakuna matata, nothing can go wrong... go wrong... go wrong...
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