But you gotta have...

So what attracks you to the internets? There could be a lot of answers to that question- the wealth of knowledge and creativty out there, a way to stay connected to people you wouldnt otherwise be able to, a to stream/download TV shows and movies so you dont have to get cable, a place to do business, to help you stay organised, a time waster or procastinator (just to name a few). And I'm not going to lie, a lot of those things are also what attracts me to the internets. However I believe my largest attractor is the community. I love the way the internet can bring people together in a way that has never been done before, how people can have good or close friends all over the world. Yet, as much as that is an atraction for me, I don't really feel I participate in it.

Take, for example, one of my favouirte communities - youtube. I spend so much time on youtube that I wouldn't be able to calculate my time spent off the top of my head. I find the videos fun and the people fascinating. Yet when first got my current account on youtube, it probably took me a good eight months or so just to work up the nerve to post a comment. Probably took me another month and a half to post a second comment. Im used to commenting now, but there are other hurdles I have trouble overcoming. Posting something controversial for example. Participating not just in commenting, but in conversations. And my biggest one - making online friends.

It's kind of weird in a way. In real life I have no trouble making friends. While I sometimes experience some slight social anxiety right before facing a new situation with a large group of people, but that is normally brief and totally forgotten about once I'm in said situation. Once I get online, however, it is a completely different story. Normally in these online communities, you hear the opposite. The internet is known for being a place for the anti-social or the socially inept (**edit**of course, not everyone IS, but thats the stereotype). Maybe that's why I have troubles, or maybe it is because I still have all those horror stories in the back of my head about how all online friends are really evil predators out there to rape and murder me and eat my unborn (...or concieved... ) children. But whatever the reason, I have yet to make any REAL online friends.

Now don't get me wrong - I'm not feeling sorry for myself or anything silly like that. It's just an observation. I'm sure it'll happen. I just need to get over my inernet-social anxiety. I need to learn to reply to comments and not to be afraid to private message people who message me. Also to not be afraid to reply to people who message me. And maybe possibly better advertise my blog -  I mean, I have the loverly Kathy of That's What She Said who is nice enough to follow me and comment (and also has a wonderful blog herself). But I think that's about the extent of people who I do not already know personally who read my blog. Possibly because I went from posting constantly to posting once a month to not posting in like 3... I suppose it's somewhat difficult to meet people online when I don't put any effort into my own outlets lol.

Of course my other reason for not keeping up with the internet is of course school, work and general busy-ness. I suppose that pushes me away - I start telling myself that I don't have time for it. That's definitely what happened with my blog last semester lol.

So I feel like I've spent this whole blog whining about not having any friends. GAWD. NO ONE LIKES ME! WAAHHH lol. Honestly, not what my point is. I swear lol. In the end I just find it interesting that for someone who is so into the community aspect of the internet and is a great lover of people in general to be more on the sidelines than right in the thick of it. I guess you could almost say that the internet has finally found a way to shut me up *looks at length of blog* then again... maybe not.

Goodnight Internets!