Tube-ular Experiences

Well Hello Internets. Ready for another installment of Paige's Stomach Drama? Alright, GO!

So a couple weeks ago I had an appointment with a Gastrointestinal (GI) specialist to have this installed:

Yup, my face had become tubular. That stupid thing got shoved in my nose and down my throat down to the opening of my stomach from my esophagus. Before I had that installed however, I first got to go through another procedure where they shoved a tube down my nose that was about 3 times as thick as the one I am sporting in that loverly picture (thick one was about the size of a pen. The thin one was about the size of the ink cartrige inside of a pen). The thick tube then slowly got pulled out of my nose as I drank gulps of water. And yes, it was about as uncomfortable as it sounds. I spend the majority of the time trying not to gag up the water while asking the nurse if anyone has ever puked on her during this procedure. The answer? Yes, yes they have.

So after that procedure happened, I got this second tube installed in my already sore nose and throat. And yes, once again, it was about as uncomfortable as it sounds. At first I thought it was hilarious because, lets face it, I looke hilarious. And I kept thinking how Im gonna be the one ppl stare at and try to be diplomatic around if I went out in public, which I was all prepared to enjoy to the fullest. However, once I got over the initial giddiness, I started to realise how much it sucked. I was constantly gagging, my throat was raw, everytime I talked or sneezed or breathed too deeply the thing shifted, making my nose ache. I couldnt eat properly, which was an issue considering the entire point of the expariment was for me to eat so the tube could detect any incidences of acid reflux. The tube ran from my nose to a heavy machine to record incidences of acid, as well as having buttons for different types of pain I may expeirence and when I ate. If I wasnt careful, I would get myself tangled in the tubes and the cord-like sling that hung over my sholder holding the machine. And, lets be honest, I've never been known for being careful... :S.

Normally I had when ppl feel sorry for me, I dont like pity or sympathy or ppl "Awwwww"-ing over me. By the end of the day I was so pissed off at the situation I was literally telling people "yeah, thats right, feel sorry for me. This fucking sucks!". Luckily, however, the test was only for 24 hours, so I was able to get rid of the damn thing first this the next day.

And then I waited for about a week and a half for my test results to come in. Which is a very short wait. I barely realised the time had past before I got the phone call to arrange an appointment to talk to my doctor. And the results? I dont have Acid Reflux Disorder or GERD. YES I have acid reflux and YES I have pain, but apparently there isnt a strong corralation between the two. Which I have been telling my doctor since day one. So, you know, go figure.

So, yet again, I have a new diagnosis. I have officially been describe with IBS, or as my nurse friend put it, Idiotic Bull Shit. Yes, legit IBS is a thing - it has to do with over-sensitive nerve endings in the stomach or bowels cause pain and reactions and whatnot. However, what IBS means in doctors speak is "your stomach is fucked and I dont know why. Have fun with that." and then they throw pills at you and stare at you until you leave their office. OR something along those lines. Essentially my doctor has no idea what is wrong with my stomach and has either run out of ideas or cant be bothered to figure out what the issue is. Yee-fucking-haw. I love doctors -.- . 

Anyway, I figure I'll try out the drugs. I mean, can't hurt right? Well, the first type cant - over-the-counter Probiotics, simple things to help food easier through the bowels. If that doesnt work, then I try my perscription meds. Those have a higher likelyhood of hurting according to the side-effects booklet. Im more worried about them hurting my psychee however, cause I have to take them 3 times a day, half hour before meals - and I've tired the half-hour before meals type of drugs before, and I can't do it. I dont normally know when Im eating and if I do, I dont have half an hour to wait before I can eat :S. However, I'll give them a shot because I dont want to move on up to option number 3, which is anti-depressants. I know many ppl without depression take anti-depressants to deal with medical issues, but it still kinda freaks me out. Especially with a history of mental illness in my family. But that option is far away atm, so I'll not worry yet. I've only been on the Probiotics since Monday, so we'll see how those go.

And that concludes this segment of "Paige's Stomach Drama" - tune in next time for a rant about stupid and inconvient medications. Goodbye and Goodnight Internets!