I have an alternate to the phrase "Time flys when yuo're having fun." "Time flys when on butter and rum!" Why butter? Cause time just slips away - "oops! Butterfingers!" :P (And nooo, of course I didnt just pull that explination out of my ass! So stop thinking I did, geeez)
As a, um, not-really religious person, I've had several theories of how God may of created the universe as I was growing up. My favourite was always that God was actually some dad who took over his kids Diarama project. You know, like little Jesus toddles up to his Father with something vaguely spherical, made of divine popsicle sticks and held together with sacred masking tape and is like "Look dad! I made a planet for my school project. We get to create our own universe, isnt that cool?! I'm calling this one Earth!" And God looks down upon his son and say unto him "Oh thats really neat. Hey! You wanna work on this together? I bet we could make the best universe out there!" Then God spends like 6 nights and 6 days staying up and painting things, glueing things together, concocting debatable-on-the-ethics chemical experiments which end up creating life, while little Jesus spins on the chair next to him and plays with his blessed toy airplane. Then on the 7th day, they presented.
Since I started studying Health Sciences, and the whole human body thing I have developed a new theory. At very least on how they created life, if not the universe. See when ever you read text books explaining human physiology or listen to your proffs in yuor physiology class (pffft. Listen to proffs. Who does that? :P) Explinations always seem to go something like this "Now you can see the flaw in the design of the ear. The middle ear is full of air, but the inner air is filled with fluid, creating a pressure difference. If sound where to go directly from one to the other, only about 1% of the sound wave would transfer through. Luckily this problem is solved by 3 tiny bones located in the middle ear, attaching to the inner ear." It kind of sounds like my dad and his engineering buddies (my dads an engineer) when they are trying to fix a problem. "I think I see a flaw in your design plan - one lower decible of sound and they wont be able to hear anything." "Hmmmm. Well what if we had something that can pick up the vibration, focusing and amplifying so that it can resist the pressure change?"
So this leads me to my new theory - God is actually G.O.D.D. - Graciousness' Organic Divine Designs. The company in charge of creating this new universe, highered by some corperate stooge who just got a promotion and needs a vacation get-a-way. So of course, the higher beings that design life would have to be engineers. Something this complicated? I bet it was their pet project - the one they sat around being like "Frack, stupid life. It never works. I hate life" but spend all their time on so their spouses start complaining how their always in the basement tinkering away with life and that just once it would be nice if they had dinner with the family. Calling each other up "Hey Bob, you have a problem with the pancrease creating pepsin - its corosive. Everytime I feed these babies a little energy, it starts eating away at the tissue." "Hmmm... pepsin's pretty important, so I can't get rid of it. There has to be a way of transporting it without damaging the rest of the body" "Well, what if you make it into a larger molecule that can get cut up into pepsinogen once it reaches the stomach? They just upgraded to using hydrochloric acid in the stomach, and with the new mucos lining the pepsin wont damage anything once it gets there" "I'll think it over Doug, get back to you"
Human v. 1.0-5.0 would never even reach the public eye. They they came out with v.5.0 - nickname? Homoerectus! (Actually, the first versions were probably water creatures until the corperate stooge complained about the lack of actual land on some of his planets and so then they moved to land creates and so on. You get the picture).
I definitely don't see any holes in my theories. Definitely not, not one little bit - heck theory #2 ties in pretty well with the Hitchhickers Guide to the Galaxy books, which I only just realised. So obviously it's got to be right, if Douglas Adams agrees with me.
Time for me to scedadle Internets. Try not to miss me to much!
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